Cheryl and I are noticing that more and more of our clients are saying ‘no’ to children at their wedding. It can be a very difficult situation to be in. I happen to love children at events, they add a fun and carefree dynamic to the day, but couples can have different, and legitimate, reasons for not wanting kids at their weddings. For some, it can be numbers - the venue doesn't hold enough. For others, it is cost - paying for meals that most probably wont be finished. And for some, it can be behaviour. Children can potentially cry through your vows or be skidding across the floor of your sophisticated champagne reception. This is not necessarily ‘bad’ behaviour - it is just kids! Yet this is not to say that you would like this behaviour at your wedding. It’s okay to agree with any of the above reasons for not having them at your wedding though - it is ‘your’ day! Just as your guests appreciate your decision on the type of ceremony, the venue or the catering, they should appreciate your decision on inviting children. If people feel that they are unable to go places where their children are not invited, then those people are free to decline the invitation.
Having said that, it can be awkward to broach the subject. Usually, the way to not invite certain people is..... just not invite them! Wedding invite etiquette insists that every guest must be invited by their name, even tiny infants. Therefore, if there name isn't on the invite, the haven't got an invite.
If you are worried this is not clear enough and are worried that guests may take their children along, you must be more to the point. Be nice, yet firm and to the point. A separate note inside the invitation can be a good idea of doing this, saying something along the lines of ‘We love your children, but our wedding is an adult only event. Thank you for understanding!’ There is nothing incorrect about inviting some children and not inviting others. You follow that same rules as for inviting adults: invite those you know and care about and do not invite those you do not know and do not care about (harsh, but true). Of course you have to be careful not to exclude children in such as way that hostility will be created between you and their parent(s). If you invite your Aunt Marge, Uncle Homer, and cousins Lisa and Maggie, it would be inconsiderate to not invite Lisa's and Maggie's brother Bart. Just try to make sure your policy is fair if you do decide to invite some and not others i.e. family only, only over 12s, etc.
Try not to worry too much though - some parents will in fact enjoy an evening where they can let their hair down without worrying about what their child is doing. Consider carefully the pros and cons of inviting children to be a part of your big day before making your decision as a couple.
Lucy
Scottish Wedding Planners
